Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Finding yourself is one of the hardest things you will ever do...


Since the day you’re born you are surrounded by ideas and projections of who you should be. Who you are meant to be, who you should aim to be. Your parents define you as their child, your siblings define you as their sister/brother, your friends define you, your neighbours define you, heck even your pet defines you! And when you interact with them you have to assume the preconceived role they have concocted in their minds for you. No wonder so many people feel pressurized all the time, you can’t say no, you shouldn’t make a fuss, you should be easy going and accommodating all the time. That is not the way to finding yourself.

The only true way to find your inner being is to quieten the noise, the voices, the sounds of those around you. Those that seek to influence you to their way of thinking, those that have predefined ideas of you and how you should behave. It is only when you are truly alone that you start to hear your soul’s song. The one that says I don’t like eating that, I love listening to that, more colour, more air, more freedom... when the only person you have to please is yourself. I always wondered why the road to happiness was about knowing yourself and knowing what you want. I always thought if I don’t know what I want, I might as well do what you want.... I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Everything in your life is there because you choose it to be so. You look a certain way, dress a certain way, speak a certain way etc etc all because you have chosen it. Imagine that you had no idea what you wanted from your life, you’d be a sad sorry mess of everyone’s crazy/boring ideas. Sometimes you don’t realise you are at that point, sometimes you see someone blissfully living a dream and they have no idea that they are even asleep. They are alive but they are not living. Their soul songs are so dim that it is blown away in the wind.

The biggest hurdle on your journey you will face is fear. It is the fear you feel inside yourself because suddenly you don’t have the comfort and security of having someone else decide for you. You have to be responsible for your own destiny. You have to be strong and step outside of your boundaries. The beauty of this is once you embrace that challenge you could never surrender yourself again. You have to hand yourself over to fate and accept that no matter what happens you can handle it and it will make you soar. This is the point when fear turns to trust. And that is the biggest reward of finding yourself. Trusting yourself and following your instincts which are now very clear to you.

Life cannot be lived in isolation though. Some people find more happiness and contentment in being by themselves so much that they never go back to being part of a functional society. Perhaps it’s the disdain they feel for society’s great pressure for conformity. As a mass of people we suffer from group think. Where if you are different you are ostracized and cast out for causing distress and fear amongst the living dreamers. Should you ever find yourself at this point, look around for there are many, many more people in the world just like you that would rather be different than be the same. They will embrace you and accept you for who you are, not for who they would like you to be.

Be true to your soul song for it is the only key that can unlock your happiness.

Listen to yourself, know yourself, be yourself.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

To Caesar or not to Caesar?

Is giving birth naturally a proud flag to wave as a woman? One that is meant to be waved higher than all others?

Have we started taking credit for our bodily functions? High five for a bowel movement! Hey wow, you made your nails grow! Now I KNOW giving birth naturally is not something to be taken lightly. But does it diminish you in any way if you have never experienced it? Some women do not get to choose their preferred method of child delivery, it gets thrust upon them. Nature chooses which way you will go. Allah chooses the path that is laid out before you. What about mothers who adopt, who never get to be pregnant, who never get to give birth?

Who are we to say which method gives you more credit as a woman? Are we not focussing on the wedding day instead of the marriage? I have heard women say you’re not a real woman unless you give birth naturally. I have heard women profess that natural childbirth is one of their proudest triumphs. Am I in the wrong company? It certainly feels like it. One woman’s triumph would make it another’s disappointment and that is not how I wish to feel about childbirth. The result of childbirth matters way more than the road you take to get there.

Whatever your arguments or justifications are for taking either route, let your mind be at ease, that no one really gives a hoot except you! So choose with your heart, your mind and your baby’s health at the forefront. A safe healthy baby in your arms at the end of the day is the objective of your pregnancy. And if you come across someone who arrogantly professes their brilliance because they have managed to give birth naturally, and claim it as their own achievement, feel pity for them. For they have completely missed the objective of becoming a mother.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Preparing for a baby is not easy!

My only piece of advice is : Don’t listen to ANY advice!

Wait till the last to get your stuff they say, well now i’m too tired to waddle through the shops trying to pickup what I need. Trust me. No one store ever has everything you need. So i’m sleepy and feeling too irritated to enjoy the sweet moment of acquiring what I need for my little sweetheart that’s about to appear in my life.  :)

The horrid thought that I might just end up being that mom that “borrows” things from her neighbour in the hospital since she forgot a few things, is what keeps me motivated and keeps me going!

Another thing. How is it that everything you need for your baby is in super miniature size but it costs more than grownup stuff?? I could buy a blanket to cover my house with a zip and clips for the windows and it would still be cheaper than a baby sleeping bag. (that has no sleeves btw!) I’m taken aback. You can make a fortune off baby goods! Parents are so caught up in the baby love bubble that they’d easily fork over their monthly budget for a pram/car seat combo ie a travel system. Even the big car makers like Ferrari, McClaren, Jeep are all recognising the hidden potential in flaunting shiny wheely padded prams under our noses. Prams are the sports cars of the modern parents. If you can’t drive a two seater Porsche, you’ll be damned if you can’t have that new 3 wheeler buggy/jogger pram. Just make sure you pay attention as to how to close that big boy or you’ll be stuck at the mall way past closing and way past that point of no return when insanity overwhelms rationality.

Good luck packing your baby’s compactum. Oh yes, you’re gonna start off thinking you don’t need a compactum you’ll be doing things differently, your own way. But soon you will succumb to the mania of the baby nursery! It has to be painted and kitted with brightly coloured stuff! Decorate the walls, decorate the cot, more colour, more pillows, a chair we need a chair, etc etc its like an epidemic. Somewhere in that process you lose yourself and you become exactly what you promised yourself you wouldn’t be.... a parent obsessed with giving her child everything you think she needs. The excitement builds everyday as you move closer to the birth date. Everyday you slide a little more, every day you get caught up a little more and suddenly you’re staring at the 3 wheeler travel system parked in your baby’s nursery that is now better equipped than a baby store at the mall.

The most amazing transformation you will undergo is one you don’t even realise is happening... when you stop thinking of yourself as the most important person in your world. Your little unborn baby is suddenly the centre of your world. You no longer buy sky high vertigo inspiring high heels. You no longer browse the sites for the latest trends, but rather for baby rompers and cute little baby shoes. Everything you wear has to be roomy enough to accommodate your bundle of sweet joy. You don’t care that you no longer look the same or feel the same, walk the same, eat the same, sleep the same. You’d gladly give over everything you are to make sure she’s healthy and safe.

Becoming a parent is certainly the most selfless, most strenuous, most demanding thing anyone could ever do. But ask any parent and they all say the same thing... i’d gladly do it again. Many times over...

And so would I... :)