If you ever find yourself in Thailand ... Top 10 things to do.

1. Remember that everyone loves their king. Asking "who's that", gets you a look of disdain. Yes, they like big pictures of him. Please stop by and see his ginormously huge palace in the city.... i'd hate to see the size of his country home.










2. Make peace with the fact that there is NO FRESH AIR in the entire city of Bangkok. You dont need a mask. How will you enjoy the pungent, deeply layered odour of rat and damp city while wearing it??

3. Take time to meet the locals :) the little people if you will... They're super friendly and very relaxed.
 

4. Eat something halaal... if you can find it. Thai people love pork. Its the damn chinese influence. Everything has bit of miss piggy on it! So watch out.

5. Take a longboat ride in Krabi and see the best beaches in the world... dont let any drunk Germans sit next to you. They will think you're one of the local girls and try to touch your leg by pretending to wipe their brow with your towel! Horny german males visiting for the sex industry should be banned from Thailand.

6. The compulsory Elephant Ride! Loads of fun. And when your husband thinks he's the king of the elephant and tries to 'take charge'... dont be nervous, they're very calm creatures. Except when you wave a snack at them! Elephant skin is so thick you'd have to weld it for the elephant to feel anything.

7. Hire a scooter! ... And the king of the scooter showed up. We whipped around Krabi at high speeds with the wind on our hair! It was awesome :)

8. Do some shopping and do it WELL. This place is cheap and everything is handmade!

9. Dont fall for that nonsense about the biggest flower in the world! Its a tourist trap designed to have you hiking in knee high mud for 3 hours to find a fungus!

10. Dont forget to have a good giggle... and dont overplan.