Attention all bad drivers!

Yes, you know exactly who you are...When you are hooted at, chastised and tailgated often, you are it.


1. When you see a car rapidly approaching do not turn in front of it causing it to brake hard to accommodate your slow moving vehicle. This is considered rude and in very bad taste. Should you find yourself in that situation, politely wave saying sorry and speed up hastily so as not to delay the traffic behind you any longer.

2. When the traffic speed limit is 60kmph please drive at 55-60 km’s per hour. Its the unwritten rule of the road that you do not drive slower than that. Should you incur the wrath of the drivers behind you for refusing to obey this law, you are in line for a stern hooting and at least one obscene gesture. Do not act surprised as you have been warned.

3. When choosing to utilise the highway, please remain in the left lane at all times. The right lane belongs to sports car drivers with the letter “i” in the model name of their vehicles. Eg, Gsi, Gti etc. Basically anything smooth, shiny and fast moving has more right to the right lane than you do. Should you find yourself in the right lane trying to overtake, do so rapidly. Do not dawdle or attempt to partake in the bounties the right lane offers. You will be hooted at and flashed. When this happens, move aside with urgency and haste.

4. Driving badly and then pretending to be angrier than the offended driver is really ill mannered. Pretending to note down the license plate number is really not the proper manner in which to conduct yourself. Politely wave apologetically and carry on your way. Do not follow the other person and humiliate yourself with confrontations. At this stage the other driver may have lost all sense of humanity and may beat you rapidly with a stick.

5. All women drivers please learn the dimensions of your car. We do not have all day to watch you trying to park. Please learn the speed with which you may drive your car safely and practise it often. Do not be afraid. The car will not explode, veer off the road or become a crazy maniac because you are accelerating!

6. Learner drivers, no driving in the congested, heavy traffic in the morning or the afternoon. We will drive over you and you will cry and feel threatened. Drive in your suburb to the shop and back until you are confident enough. See number 5 please if you are a woman. And do not use the big red L, it infuriates us to know who you are.

Please note, this blog post does not apply to old men drivers in beat up old cars from the yesteryear that barely dent when driven into a solid tree trunk we all know that you’re arrogant and pissed off from years of torment from your wife and kids. So now you take it out on the rest of us by pretending not to hear our hooters or see our flashing lights behind you.

Happy driving!!