30. Whats in your head

Everyone is in their head, its just the degree of occupation thats different.

We all do it. Our mind drifts, we think about the past, dream about the future. And all the while we are missing out on the present. This moment, right now. When we tune out, we lose out.
So try your best to be present in your life. Or your life will be something that happened while you were dreaming.

Somewhere along the way while writing these posts I stopped challenging myself. I lost my scare factor. I have a million excuses as to why I am unable to do anything but the truth is I have no idea what to do. I've hit the wall. I'm the guy in run fatboy run. And I'm facing the wall right now.

I feel as though I've run out of the easy challenges and the only ones that are left are the tough ones like riding that bloody bicycle...

I've got to find some motivation. I can't be done yet, I've hardly even begun. This is why I suppose you can never be in charge of your own challenges, you will inevitably end up not challenging yourself any longer.

I can't give up. Run fatboy run.

29. Breathing the air of me time.

Finally got a chance to have some alone me time. No husband, no kid, no company. Just me and my unrestrained thoughts. I love spending time alone. It keeps me in tune with what I like. I follow my instincts and eat what I like, buy what I like, walk where I like for as long as I like! It's fantastic.

So I spent the afternoon at canal walk. Even though the mall was buzzing with month end shoppers, their kids, trolleys etc it was great. Moving around by yourself even amidst the crowd is quick and easy. What a blissful afternoon:)

28. Hair today, gone today.

Time for a radical change. A new haircut. :) chopped off at the ears and loving it! Hair needs to breathe. It needs to be refreshed and released from all that dry crackled ends that ruin its shiny day. So goodbye to the 'mommy' pony tail, hello short fresh funky bob.

Hopefully with this shorter hair my ears will be more open to not only listening but hearing and understanding. Many a times I've been told I'm a bad listener... This is the time for change. I hear you (mostly Garieth, my amazing understanding husband).  Sometimes we are so caught up in the wonderment that is finding a love that makes you feel complete on another level, that you forget that you also have to work at yourself and at the relationship. Listening is a big part of that. Listening to yourself for yourself and listening to and for your spouse. Word.

Being listened to, is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference. 
~David Oxberg

27. Ill

Nursing a sick baby doesn't leave you much time to be ill yourself. So I've been crushed by the cold winter and succumbed to the flu. All priorities are suddenly rearranged to accommodate the healing process.

When I first heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it made some sense but I had no idea of its practical implications and how it becomes a way of life. But now I see it all the time, everything gets assigned its time and its priority and we do it without even thinking. It's like a human code. If you can identify which need requires fulfillment you can manipulate anyone! Like machines.

Anywhooo, I have loads of reading to do. Snacks to devour, series to watch and of course some sleep in between.

But before that I leave you with a question... In an episode of SCC a robot stated that humans are ultimately flawed since we can store infinite amounts of information but when we die its all gone. So my question is, if you had the opportunity would you download your brain?

Personally I think a clean slate works better, but it could be my aversion to all things technological. Imagine all the storage, power and cabling required for such an exercise? Perhaps sometime in the future we will be offered a choice. Who wouldn't love to experience a childhood moment again, or see someone they've lost? Imagine you could page through your memories? Imagine.

25 & 26. Absolutely nothing happened

Sometimes life happens in between exciting events and one has no crazy adventures, no excitement, no hoo-rah. That's just how it is. It took me a long time to understand that. I used to feel that something amazing needs to happen everyday for life to have true meaning. But life has its own meaning. It doesn't need you trying to redefine it. It already is how it is meant to be.

We need time to process, time to grow, time to accept ourselves and the changes around us. And that is what the quiet times are for. Reflection. If we only experienced and never followed up with a thought, we would never change. The change is inevitable for everyone, it's how you manage it that matters most. Always envision the person you wish to be and in the quiet time readjust your path towards that goal.

The rest of the time, life is a motorbike ride with no hands! :)

23 & 24 Tainted memories

After two days of non stop socializing my good intentions have been severely eroded. The rest of the weekends entertainment will have to go on pause cause I need a break! I haven't even done any reading or watching of Sarah Connor chronicles as yet. I mean what are long weekends for if not to veg and read and snack. I feel robbed!

Another event I completely forgot about is taking place this evening. My high school reunion. At some stage I did feel some nostalgic surges that made me feel as though I might like to attend. But as I paged through the number of people that have accepted the Facebook event notice it dawned on me that I had no idea who these people were? Was I even at the same school? I recognized probably 5 names out of more than 300. It got me thinking about who I was back in high school. What if the high school I remember was not the high school that I actually attended. What if over the years I had chiseled away at the true memory and left behind a smooth, soft edged, rose tinted version. After all there are always three versions of the truth, yours, the other persons and the truth.

So I decided to forego attending the event for fear of being reminded of the horror that might have been high school. That awkward phase in your life when emotions run high, acceptance is so important and any rejections are taken personally. I will review the photos later to see everyone's faces and perhaps then I will remember. Or at least remember enough to have a good giggle at how people have aged and gotten fat. Hehe:)

Besides I wouldn't dream of attending without my glam glam bestest bestie who's living in Korea now. He is the Data to my Captain Picard! .... And right there I realize why I don't know those people. I was part of the geek squad. The nerds who actually did their homework and loved learning. I'll catch up with my fellow high schoolers at the next TED talk. :)

22. Too much socializing

Is there such a thing as too much socializing? Over this long weekend, I'm facing two birthday parties, one wedding, a Father's Day lunch and a braai. Having just come from my nieces 7th birthday, I am already all partied out. Social events sometimes fill me with a degree of angst. I often wonder why that is? There is always something else I'd much rather be doing. The irony is that when I miss it, I'm filled with regret afterwards. And when I do go I have a great time, well most times.

Perhaps for this weekend I need to change my thinking. Instead of facing it with a dubious mind, I should relish and embrace the opportunity to interact with others. I've become a social recluse I suspect. And that is what I need to challenge about myself.

I've always believed we have the ability to change ourselves. Much like our body can heal itself, we can evolve into the person we wish to become. We can make a better version of ourselves.

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
Invictus